生日真是一件可喜的事
                                                                               
雖然被稱為母難日
                                                                               
                                                                               
22歲的生日 感受到大家的關心與疼愛
                                                                               
讓我不自覺的羊性子發作 泛起孩子氣
                                                                               
有點點的任性與隨意
                                                                               
                                                                               
小小的放縱
                                                                               
酒量奇差的我仍然選擇不停與美酒親吻
                                                                               
有點點感受到 享酒的滋味
                                                                               
美好 卻又容易迷失
                                                                               
所以平日還是敬而遠之
                                                                               
                                                                               
一份份的祝福與禮物 暖化了我的心
                                                                               
如果去年的種種還在我心留下什麼陰影
                                                                               
此刻也都應該被照亮不復存在
                                                                               
                                                                               
感謝疼愛我與喜愛我的大家
                                                                               
即使我 任性 心機 陰沉 口沒遮攔 胡說八道 又笨又傻 不講道理又愛強辯
                                                                               
你們仍選擇關心我
                                                                               
                                                                               
謝謝  :)
                                                                               
                                                                               
沒有任何一份付出是理所當然的
                                                                               
所以衷心感謝你們

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(1) 人氣()

我承認我聰明 但我想我還少了些許智慧加成
                                                                               
我承認我幼稚 我無法讓我心裡最後一塊還保留原樣的土壤也變質
                                                                               
我承認我固執 我就是有這樣的羊脾氣在
                                                                               
我承認我任性 我也不知道該怎麼辦啊~~
                                                                               
                                                                               
我不覺得我可愛 畢竟我是大人了 哈哈
                                                                               
我哪裡有心機重 我只是想多慮多推測多再加個心眼多
                                                                               
我會受歡迎嗎   哈哈哈 這個我真的不覺得
                                                                                
我喜歡我的多面與多項具備 所以我沒有某項很突顯的特質
                                                                               
                                                                               
只要有興趣的東西 我都想涉獵一下
                                                                               
只要不是很難以相處的朋友 我都想與之來往
                                                                               
只要不是腦中缺了哪條相關的神經 我都想盡量多學習未知的事物
                                                                               
                                                                               
這就是我

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

有時候 我真的會很抓不住自己的感覺
                                                                               
                                                                               
曾以玩笑話說過自己大概是有人格分裂的傾向
                                                                               
                                                                               
第一次有著自己分裂開的感覺
                                                                               
是在國中 當我動筆寫起第一個故事
                                                                               
還稚嫩的筆觸 但 遊走文字之間 卻是我將自己二分 拆給了兩個主角
                                                                               
                                                                               
我不知道別人的故事都是怎麼寫出來的
                                                                               
我還依稀記得 寫故事的當下 我眼睛所看見的 所想到的
                                                                               
即是在故事中的角色 會看見的 會想到的
                                                                               
人生如戲 戲如人生
                                                                               
是否 寫故事的當下 我也在我創造的世界裡 加速體驗了某些人生
                                                                               
                                                                               
還是會害怕寫故事的 因為寫到太過投入
                                                                               
我會有種抽不回身的感覺
                                                                               
                                                                               
我永遠忘不了 為了寫 17歲的記事結局
                                                                               
在房裡關了一夜 未闔眼的六小時 一張張混雜眼淚與墨跡的紙頁 被我撕碎 飛舞在房中
                                                                               
在紙絮飄落的飛舞中 終於寫出最接近我想要的模樣
                                                                               
                                                                               
那段期間 被問過很多次 為什麼動筆寫故事
                                                                               
                                                                               
很外緣的原因是 無心之作
                                                                               
再裡層一點是 為了紀錄些什麼
                                                                               
再裡面一點呢?
                                                                               
                                                                               
我曾經以為是為了療傷 只是 後來我也淡忘我曾那麼相信過那個理由了

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

阿罩:不怕死的 都跟我衝啊~~~(一馬當先)
                                                                               
    兵:(奔)報告將軍 前面似乎有敵人的埋伏
                                                                               
副將:來不及了 罩將軍已經衝上前了
                                                                               
    兵:那 將軍大人 我們是不是也跟在罩將軍後面衝?
                                                                               
副將:不 就隨他去吧 反正不怕死的自然會跟著衝~~(搖扇笑)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
只見駐紮三萬人的營中
                                                                               
衝出了不多不少 正好兩千五百人 (是個依星座比例招收的完美徵兵制)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
            罩:衝啊~給我殺啊~(一馬繼續當先)
                                                                               
牡羊兵們:衝啊~老子就是不怕死~~(兩千四百九十九馬緊追在後)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
(敵方...)
                                                                               
                                                                               
        兵:報告 我們還沒開始誘敵 對方主將已經往我們衝過來了 而且只跟著不到三千人
                                                                               
敵主將:(...) (愣)
                                                                               
敵主將:三千人 嗯~~(沉思)
                                                                               
                                                                               
(片刻...)
                                                                               
敵主將:傳令 通通給我後撤三十里
                                                                               
敵副將:將軍大人 這是為什麼?敵方出營的只有三千人啊 加上後方的兩萬七 我們營中三
             萬  左右翼還埋伏著各一萬  就是光以中軍三萬一拼 勝負誰手也猶未可知啊!
                                                                               
敵主將:你就是這樣 才永遠幹不到主帥這位置 你想想 他只帶三千人 又是主帥親自出陣
             對方又沒到山窮水盡 何必要做如此突圍之舉 此外 大營還存下的兩萬七 難道就
             在那眼睜睜看著這三千人被我吞掉嗎?(還真給你猜對了...)
                                                                               
敵副將:(驚)您的意思是 這三千人只是個餌!
                                                                               
敵主將:(捻鬍笑) 爐子可教也~~
                                                                               
敵參謀:將軍大人 是孺子可教也~~
                                                                               
敵主將:(大怒) 放屁 你是主將 我是主將! 我說爐子就是爐子! 你看不起爐子嗎?
                                                                               
敵參謀:是是是 您說的對~~(心中不以為然)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
敵副將:將軍息怒 您剛這意思是說 這眼前三千是餌 後面兩萬七是網?
                                                                               
敵主將:不~(擺手) 這三千是餌 兩萬七是勾 恐怕 在我們左右翼伏兵之外 另外有網啊!
                                                                               
敵副將:(大大驚) 您這是說 我們被反包圍了!
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
敵主將:如果 我料的不錯的話...(得意笑)
                                                                               
敵副將:(高聲喊)將軍大人英明神武 屬下佩服!
                                                                               
敵參謀:(小聲說)將軍大人不懂裝懂 屬下無奈!
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
敵主將:來啊 傳我將令下去 中軍後撤三十里 左右翼伏兵各...
                                                                               
        兵:報告!
                                                                               
敵主將:又有何事?
                                                                               
        兵:對方的三千人 不知為何 本來向我方大營而來 但現在卻從我方大營左側穿過
                                                                               
敵主將:有這種事!(這阿罩又想幹嘛...)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
(我方)
                                                                               
                                                                               
  阿罩親兵甲:這 敵軍大營就在左方 為何將軍卻避戰而過
                                                                               
  阿罩親兵乙:囉嗦什麼 跟著罩將軍衝就是了!
                                                                               
              阿罩:衝啊~~~(一馬還是當先)
                                                                                
      眾牡羊兵:衝啊~~~(兩千四百九十九馬依舊緊追在後)
                                                                               
                                                                               
(片刻...)
                                                                               
                                                                               
            阿罩:停~~!(終於累了~)
                                                                               
    阿罩的馬:嘶嘶嘶嘶~(馬的咧 老爹不是說當將軍座騎 只要沒事擺擺威風就好= =)
                                                                               
    眾牡羊兵:(停) (靜默以待)
                                                                               
眾牡羊兵的馬:嘶嘶嘶嘶~(馬的咧 沒打到半個人 是跑快攻的喔!)
                                                                               
                                                                               
        阿罩:(思索...)
                                                                               
                                                                               
        阿罩:(朗聲)大家一定覺得 為什麼這次突擊 沒遇到半個敵人 是吧
                                                                               
某牡羊兵心裡:(其實剛剛從敵方大營旁略過 看到很多敵人啊 我還跟他們揮手)
                                                                               
                                                                               
        阿罩:剛剛 一定也有人見到我們行進的左方 就是敵方大營 對吧
                                                                               
某牡羊兵心裡:(將軍大人 我們通通看到啦@@")
                                                                               
        阿罩:我不是避而不戰 更不是見敵畏縮 (其實真相是 走錯了路)
                                                                               
                 阿罩:那是因為...我們要從他們背後突進 踹他一個老屁股 你們說好不好!
                                                                                
眾牡羊兵心裡:(原來如此!)
                                                                               
        眾牡羊兵:好~~~! 將軍妙計 神鬼莫測!(齊聲喊)
                                                                               
               阿罩:現在 全軍轉向 成錐形陣 怕死的就給我躲後面去 不怕死的就跟我衝!
                                                                               
       眾牡羊兵:喔喔喔~~~!(結陣)
                                                                               
       阿罩的馬:嘶嘶嘶嘶~~~~(拎老師咧...= = 又要衝 當拎北是赤兔馬)
                                                                               
眾牡羊兵的馬:嘶嘶嘶嘶嘶嘶~~~(我們要申請調營~~><)
                                                                               
                                                                               
(敵方左翼伏兵...)
                                                                               
  傳令兵:報 將軍有令 敵方外圍有伏兵 盡速退往中軍靠攏!
                                                                               
左翼副將:(休息一整天 精神抖擻) 得令 馬摘鈴 人啣枚 務在天黑前與中軍合兵!
                                                                               
                                                                               
(敵方右翼伏兵...)
                                                                               
  傳令兵:報 將軍有令 敵方外圍有伏兵 盡速退往中軍靠攏!
                                                                               
右翼副將:(埋伏一整天 昏昏欲睡) 這個 得令!
                                                                               
    傳令兵:(上馬奔回)
                                                                               
右翼副將:(...) (他剛剛說什麼來著...)
                                                                               
右翼副將:(對了!)那個 將軍有令 正前方有伏兵 天黑之前  務必要把他們打回老家!
                                                                               
                                                                               
(我方大營)
                                                                               
    兵:報 敵方伏兵現身 不知為何是右翼追著左翼打 左翼殘軍已經竄向我方大營
                                                                               
  副將:(笑)~~不出我所料
                                                                               
  副將:傳令下去 大營前 重盾第一陣 槍兵第二陣 弓兵成三橫列 輪替連射第三陣
       其餘騎兵成錐形陣為第四陣
                                                                               
  副將:凡是有兵往大營前來 一律射殺 待敵方敗軍反向竄回 騎兵即出陣衝鋒
       不到對方大營 不要給我停下來!
                                                                               
    兵:(驚)那 罩將軍那些人馬...?
                                                                               
  副將:你不用擔心,依敵方主將手段,是視不破罩將軍的計謀的...
       (跟他快五年 連我都看不透了...) (反正最後就是準備收尾就好...)
                                                                               
                                                                               
     敵方大營將令未發,已遭到阿罩三千騎兵(無條件進位)切割成兩段,三千騎兵反覆衝鋒,竟
                                                                               
硬是把這敵方中軍三萬人殺得落花流水,最後殘兵竄向阿罩大營方面,三千騎兵緊追在後.
                                                                                
敵方右翼誤解將令,全隊突擊,正迎上著輕裝,急與中軍合流的敵方左翼,左翼未料在此遭
                                                                               
受伏擊,軍心大亂,將兵四散.竄流的士兵穿不過阿罩大營前後三陣的緊密守備,化整為零.
                                                                               
各自逃命去了.
                                                                               
     待敵方左翼這糊塗將軍發現突擊的竟是自己人,右翼已在兩面夾殺下潰不成軍,左翼副將
                                                                               
此時急轉向敵方中軍合流,正遇上從大營竄出的大股殘兵,陣型變換因而為之一滯.
                                                                                
     此刻,阿罩三千精銳牡羊騎兵正面迎來,阿罩大營第四陣追擊的五千騎兵也殺到背後.兩
                                                                               
下夾殺,這原本最完整的左翼一萬人也終告不敵,四散而去.
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     到底,阿罩這一開始的突擊之舉,是經過深思熟慮的計中計,抑或只是一時血氣之勇,伴隨
                                                                               
對方實在想太多加之諸多巧合發生,因而得勝?
                                                                               
     後世兵法家各持己見,眾說紛紜.
                                                                               
     但,卻是誰也無法真正弄懂阿罩的下一步會做些什麼,而再下下一步,又會是什麼?
                                                                               
     沒有人知道...
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
阿罩的副將:就跟你們說 我跟他五年了 都不知道他在想什麼 何況你們...
                                                                               
                                                                               
    阿罩的馬:拎北再這樣操下去 真的會升級成赤兔馬...

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

     "糖球只要一顆半 對嗎?"
                                                                               
     我例行性的問,你一如往常的沒有回答,突兀的只有你不再像平時那樣笑著看幫你攪動
     拿鐵的我.
                                                                               
     雖然你點的是冰拿鐵,但不知怎麼,碰觸到那凝結水珠的杯子時,竟有種溫熱的錯覺.
                                                                               
     是我的心,也結霜了嗎?
                                                                               
                                                                               
     我知道,你不會再像以前一樣,撫著我氣血循環不好的手,一邊接過吸走我體溫的杯子
     ,一邊將你手的溫熱傳過來.
                                                                               
     我很識相的不多作妄想,把你的杯子就放在桌子中央,杯子一站穩,手就迅速縮回.
                                                                               
     那杯冰拿鐵,就像兩國建交時的禮物一樣,矗立在那,等著你來接收.
                                                                               
     只是,今天,我們不是建交.
                                                                               
     是宣佈斷交的分手.
                                                                               
                                                                               
     "我不喝拿鐵了..."
                                                                               
      我一愣.
                                                                               
      一個月沒見的你,只肯回短訊不肯接手機的你,第一句話居然是這麼傷人的你.
                                                                               
                                                                               
     "妳知道為什麼我那麼愛喝拿鐵嗎?"
                                                                               
     第五次約會時,你這麼問著從不喝咖啡卻為了你開始熟悉咖啡一切的我.
                                                                               
     "我不知道耶 因為你喜歡這個味道吧~"
                                                                               
     那時的我,還沒記住你最喜歡的甜度,又一次的順手倒進了兩顆糖球.
                                                                               
     "不是~"
                                                                               
     你忽然握住我的手.
                                                                               
     "怎麼啦~~?"
                                                                               
     在人來人往的丹提午後,和你剛在一起兩星期的我,還不習慣這麼突如其來的親密.
                                                                               
                                                                               
     "喜歡喝拿鐵 是因為 愛妳的心 就像鐵一樣 拿也拿不走的"
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     平日孩子氣的你,忽然一臉正經的望著我說了這句話.
                                                                               
     "笨死了 拿鐵是音譯的中文啦 胡扯一通~"
                                                                               
     心頭一片慌亂的我,急忙縮回手,卻撞倒了那杯剛攪拌好的拿鐵.
                                                                               
     "你看啦 都是你啦 我去請服務生來擦"
                                                                               
     我起身走向櫃台.
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     我想,那個服務生一定至今還不明白.
                                                                               
     為什麼一個打翻咖啡的女孩,要帶著那麼幸福的笑容?
                                                                               
                                                                               
     終於,你伸出手,握住那杯拿鐵.
                                                                               
     同時,在你手上,看見另一條從未見過的手鍊.
                                                                               
                                                                               
     看著你一口喝完咖啡而有些惆悵的我.放下杯子眼神又回到天下雜誌上的你.
                                                                               
     我忽然覺得好奇怪,曾經那樣熟悉對方的我們,為什麼此刻可以不發一語的坐在同一
     張桌子旁.
                                                                               
     就像因為店裡沒有位置,不得已而同桌吃飯的兩個人.你吃你的飯,我吃我的麵,吃完
     起身結帳,各自又回到人群的洪流中,不再有所交集.
                                                                               
                                                                               
     我有點不懂,說約我來這要談事情的人是你,來到這一坐什麼都不說的也是你,現在咖
     啡喝了又自顧自的看雜誌不理人的也是你.
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     但
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     為什麼我總是在等你呢?
                                                                               
     等你出門
                                                                               
     等你回訊
                                                                               
     等你上線
                                                                               
     等你說晚安
                                                                               
     等你的goodbye kiss
                                                                               
     等你在冬天都會牽我的那隻手
                                                                               
     等你在夏天都會為我遮陽的那把傘
                                                                               
     等你在我嘴角不再上揚時的那份關心
                                                                               
     等你在我痛得滿地打滾時親手煮的紅豆湯
                                                                               
     等你在我生日時說好要買的那對情人手鍊
                                                                               
     等你在我耳際那番會讓我臉紅心跳的甜言蜜語
                                                                               
                                                                               
      只是 為什麼
                                                                               
      現在就連分開 我也得等你開口?
                                                                               
      我開不了口嗎?
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      是的 我開不了口
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      因為我還愛你.

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

  • Mar 23 Wed 2005 16:03
  • 接受

      我很害怕
                                                                               
      害怕再踏進那個城市
                                                                               
      再踏進那個 你在 她在 我也曾在 的城市
                                                                               
                                                                               
      二月六日 星期天 台北 陰
                                                                               
                                                                               
      我跟小柏約了 要一起去探望上星期車禍住院的藝馨
                                                                               
      跟小柏很久沒見了 他開著新買的車來接我
                                                                               
      就是廣告女主角耍賴的說 "我以為有人想取代我的位置嘛" 的那款車
                                                                               
      只是 走出宿舍 我看到小柏的第一眼
                                                                               
      我就知道 還沒有人來取代我在他心中的位置
                                                                               
                                                                               
      快過年了 我不知道藝馨是怎麼摔車的
                                                                               
      她老愛做些跟別人不一樣的事
                                                                               
      就像現在高速公路上 大家都南下過年 我們偏偏要從新竹北上
                                                                               
                                                                               
      她總愛說
                                                                               
      "人生總要試那麼一次啊 說不定等會我就心肌梗塞走了說"
                                                                               
      高空彈跳 大怒神 夜遊亂葬崗...
                                                                               
      隨便一件都可以讓我心跳停上三十次了
                                                                               
      我實在很難想像她會因為心肌梗塞走掉
                                                                               
                                                                               
      其實 不只我們要去看藝馨的 可偏偏是小柏來接我
                                                                               
      我知道一定又是恩琪她們在背後作怪
                                                                               
      她們總是要我給小柏一個機會 反正我已經離開你了
                                                                               
      也許 應該是說 你離開我了
                                                                               
                                                                               
      說真的 小柏不是不好 可是 我就是對他沒有感覺
                                                                               
                                                                               
      一路上 除了剛開始的幾句寒暄 他沒有再開過口
                                                                               
      我知道他不是不想跟我說話 他不停的在擦汗 他在緊張
                                                                               
      而我 我在想著 如果 你也來了 怎麼辦
                                                                               
                                                                               
      見到你的第一句話 我該說些什麼好呢
                                                                               
                                                                               
      我還沒有盤算好我該套用的台詞 小柏已經把車停好
                                                                               
                                                                               
      進電梯的前一刻 小柏似乎想牽我的手
                                                                               
      可是他忘了他還握著車鑰匙
                                                                               
      鑰匙刺了我一下 我"啊"的一聲 他嚇得縮回手 鑰匙也掉在地上
                                                                               
                                                                               
      如果是你 你會故意把鑰匙掉在我身邊 讓我幫你撿
                                                                               
      你再趁我遞鑰匙給你時 牽住我的手 對吧
                                                                               
      你就是那麼狡猾 狡猾到已經過了半年 我還是沒辦法忘記你
                                                                               
                                                                               
      病房裡 大家都到齊了
                                                                               
      故意忽略你也在的我 捏了向我擠眉弄眼的恩琪一把
                                                                               
      我知道她是想問我怎麼沒跟小柏一起進來
                                                                               
                                                                               
      不經意 發現她就在你身後 那個其實不該屬於我們這一群的女孩
                                                                               
                                                                               
      我忽然有點後悔
                                                                               
      如果剛剛小柏牽我時 我忍住痛手沒躲開
                                                                               
      現在我跟小柏也是手牽手的站在這
                                                                               
      那你呢
                                                                               
      你會不會也忍不住痛躲開呢
                                                                               
                                                                               
      你應該不會吧
                                                                               
      就算你痛 我也看不出來的
                                                                               
      說不定我還會因為你的無動於衷 痛覺從手蔓延到心
                                                                               
                                                                               
      你就是這樣 永遠讓人不知道你下一步想做什麼
                                                                               
      像支空降部隊 無聲無息佔領了城池
                                                                               
      那個傻呼呼的城主 還樂於當你的階下囚 讓你牽著她的手
                                                                               
                                                                               
      陽明山春暖花開時 你背著那個扭傷腳踝的笨城主 一步一步走下山
                                                                               
      完全不提你因為之前集訓摔傷了背
                                                                               
                                                                               
      南台灣豔陽高照時 你牽著剛在車上睡醒的傻女孩 就這麼衝進大海
                                                                               
      說是要讓海水洗淨沁涼兩人心裡的戒指
                                                                               
                                                                               
      北海岸秋風漸起時 你抱著那個淚流滿面的任性鬼 耐心哄到她入睡
                                                                               
      讓她忘了自己離家出走與臉上隱約還痛的巴掌印
                                                                               
                                                                               
      西門町聖誕節前晚 你吻著還抱住布丁狗的幼稚鬼 讓她醉倒你懷中
                                                                               
      讓我忘了所有所有的一切 只想永遠停留在那一刻
                                                                               
                                                                               
      就因為是你 我願意笨 願意傻 才敢任性 喜歡幼稚
                                                                               
                                                                               
      可 也因為你 我失眠整月 在街上聽見相似你的聲音
                                                                               
      就頃刻間淚如雨下
                                                                               
                                                                               
      你說我不夠成熟 你說要放你自由
                                                                               
      我努力想懂 但我卻一點都弄不懂
                                                                               
                                                                               
      我的成熟 不就也是最先你會醉心於我的原因嗎
                                                                               
      你的自由 為什麼是離開我之後投入她的懷抱呢

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()

  • Mar 23 Wed 2005 15:50
  • 傻羊

          其實 隨著長大 越來越有一種感覺 總是覺得我是在掙脫著些什麼 盡力想要不受些什麼拘束住 但有時我還是會想回過頭來問自己的 是不是本身在掙脫的這個過程 才是最大的束縛呢? 我承任我是自我中心的 有時明明知道別人說的是對的 但還是像頭傻羊一樣 非得自己去撞個頭破血流才會高興  那像的追求自由 我想應該也只是流於形式了吧  「大隱隱於市」 如果心不煩亂 又何來有外物能約束住我呢?

amatsuki 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()